Edward Hugh Varner
October 14, 1930 – September 18, 2008

The hardest part of goodbye is having to say it every day.

-       One Tree Hill

Friday - we went up to Montgomery and met Dad at the funeral home to view the body. It didn’t look right but I did not expect it to. There’s no way he can look like he used to. But it was heartbreaking and it really tore me up. Dad had been up since Wednesday and so I was finally seeing him too and it was all a little overwhelming.

Saturday – the viewing. Very long and tiring. But not as bad as I thought it might be. I was mainly trying to run around and keep everything in line, help out where I could. Before we went to the funeral home, we watched the slideshow that had been put together. It was very good but was really sad. It used the songs, “Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn and “Small Town Southern Man” by Alan Jackson.

Sunday – the funeral. It was more like a Southern gospel singing and church service, which is exactly what he wanted. It was still hard though. However, I was asked if I was my grandfather’s daughter… The man was clearly confused. I am 18 and he is 77, almost 78. He looked it too because he spent a lot of time in the sun and his skin became leathery. Plus, people always think I am a lot younger than I am. That was really odd.

At the grave side, there were Marines and they played taps. It was a very beautiful ceremony. Then we went into the church gym to eat, where I was given some news that I will share later. After eating, we went back to the grave site and saw the flower arrangements over the grave. We took a few flowers from the arrangements to keep.

Monday – As we left to return home, we went back to the grave and took some of Grandaddy’s flowers to his mother, Granny’s, grave. We put three on hers and five on my grandaddy’s father’s grave. We also ended up pulling weeds at the graves of both of my father’s grandparents and some of his aunts and uncles. It had really grown up so we took care of that.

Tuesday – It was hard, getting up and going to be surrounded by strangers after being surrounded by the love of my family for days. I had to give a speech and I botched it for real! But it didn’t matter all that much to me. I was in no mood to give a speech and didn’t really expect to do well.

My routine is coming back and that’s good. Still, when I think about what it’s going to be like without him from now on… He won’t be there for holidays and that’s going to be really weird. That really makes me sad thinking about him not being around. It hasn’t really even set in yet because there have been times when I have been over at Ma’s house and Grandaddy’s been in the hospital or something and this feels like that. It feels like he is coming back and he is just not in his bed right now. But he is not coming back and I’ll have to wait to see him again until I die. But I think about him being gone and having a new body. A body without emphysema and pain. That makes me happy, thinking about what he might be doing right now. Singing I am sure. It’s what he loved to do. Those thoughts make me really happy and those are the thoughts that I will be dwelling on.

Finally death came callin'
For this small town Southern man
He said it's alright 'cause I see angels
And they got me by the hand
Don't you cry, and don't you worry
I'm blessed, and I know I am
'Cause God has a place in Heaven
For a small town Southern man

And he bowed his head to Jesus
And he stood for Uncle Sam
And he only loved one woman
was always proud of what he had
He said his greatest contribution
Is the ones you leave behind
Raised on the ways and gentle kindness
Of a small town Southern man

-       ‘Small Town Southern Man’ by Alan Jackson

I began my day by almost being in a car wreck. Ugh. So I’m driving to school. The route from my house to Wallace is one of the least complicated things in the world. I take a left out of my apartment complex and take that road for less than a mile before turning right and following that road for a few miles and then I am there. So the road I am on the longest would be Napier Field. Now Napier Field does not have stop signs or lights so I just drive until I reach the school. However, there is a road that runs through the street, Mance Newton, I believe. People who are traveling on this road have a stop sign to stop at (so that’s two stop signs on the side of the road I’m on, Napier Field.) So these people are to wait patiently until it is clear to pass.

So I’m traveling to school, rushing a bit as is the person behind me. The speed limit is 40 and we were going a bit above it, maybe 45. I’m not really much of a speeder, generally speaking. So I am about to come to this intersection and I have every intention to continue on my journey. So I’m about six feet away from it and a truck on my left takes off from his stop sign. As a result, I had to slow down but it wasn’t too bad. Surely, he was in a hurry as well and really needed to go. But then, the car stopped at my right takes off from her stop sign to cross the road. I slam on the brakes and either they made a grinding noise or my tires did or both. I’m not sure but there was a noise and I got a cartoon expression of my car literally grimacing and trying with all its might not to plow into the next car.

Luckily, I did not hit her because 1. I would have hit her side and she could have been hurt and 2. Car damage is expensive to fix and 3. I would have been late for school 4. I would have had to call the police and file a report and 5. All those people on Napier Field and Mance Newton would have been pissed because they would have been held up by this accident at this busy intersection.

But, man, I laid on that horn and yelled at her in the confines of my car. Man, I was pissed! But all is well, hopefully. My poor brakes and tires. Oh, and it was amazing that the car behind me didn’t plow into me and then me into the car in front of me. I would have definitely gotten whiplash, which I’ve had before and it sucked.