stanley hudson : big butt, bigger heart (viper209n) wrote,
stanley hudson : big butt, bigger heart

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i didn't get around to kiss you goodbye on the hand

I was working on an English paper about 12 o'clock in the morning last night when mom brought me the phone. I knew immediately what was happening. Dad was on the other end and he told me. I did not say anything just closed my eyes and cried.

This morning, I anticipated missing my first class, Art Appreciation, considering nothing happens to pre-occupy me from my thoughts. However, I slept for longer than I anticipated and said screw it all. So I missed Speech and English. I did however make my way to school to deliver my final Orientation assignment.

After that, I went to my high school to see Mrs. Dixon, my George Feeny (for anyone who will get the reference). She made the statement that nothing anyone could say would fix this and she is right but talking with her really helped. I needed a hug and a friendly face and she delivered. I was super thankful for her.

Then I went to work and teared up quite a bit at the beginning. JT works in my group and he is just one of the sweetest guys. He has these huge arm muscles. Anyway, he always asks how my day is going and yesterday I told him that it wasn't going so well and why. So today he asked me how I was doing today and I couldn't trust my voice to not crack and squeek and make me sound pathetic so I attempted to make a shoulder/face gesture to indicate 'Not so good.' I guess. I did not succeed and then he asked if it was about my grandfather and then I told him what happened and the tears really piled up but didn't really fall.

As I walked away and did other things they fell and so my eyes are red, puffy, and my face is white. Then my boss comes over and asks about my grandfather. I told him what happened and he asked why I was at work. I must admit I was pretty happy that was his reaction, that I work in a place that is very understanding and would like to send me home knowing that I am going through something very hard. But none the less, if I am stuck in Dothan, I may as well be working.

I will leave tomorrow around 3. Thankfully, my great uncle, John, is going to let us borrow a car to drive up to Montgomery since our jeep is pure crap in gas mileage and driving in general. We'll leave around 3, be in Montgomery around 5.

The visitation is Saturday afternoon and the funeral is Sunday afternoon. I will be staying with my father in my his mother (Ma)'s house while my mother and brother will be at my (technically step-)grandmother's house. This grandmother is Nana and she is my mother's step-mother. I will also be staying Monday with my father and possibly Tuesday. I need to be up there to help in any way I can. I am sick of being helpless in Dothan.

This weekend is going to be the hardest of my life.
Tags: real life - family, work - oncology supply

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